It is only as I get older (& wiser?…) that I realize that the portions of your heart that you give away to young love comes at a price. Your first love is where you give your all, where you lose the innocence, the naiveté of your thoughts about love, and the reality of life kicks in. When you are young you do crazy, silly, stupid, dumb… insert adjective here… things for love. But it is also a time of fun, of soaring heights and days floating on cloud 9. The trick is to keep/find that love as you get older and the challenges of life get harder.
It is important to feel gratitude in your relationship, to appreciate what it adds to your life. This is valid for plutonic, familial & romantic love. And as I get older I am able to recognize the value that each relationship has on the experience that is my life, how it shapes and molds the vessel that my soul uses to drift on the waves of time.
I saw this quote downtown the other day, and I was struck by how true it was. Those whom you really love, never really leave your life, no matter the time & distance, because the act of loving them has changed you, and you would not be who you are without their effect on your life.
(That is my friend Howie who died too young, and my grandpa Orv, the guy with the white hair, who unfortunately passed before we could have an adult relationship)
Some people you love easily, where loving them is like breathing… natural, instantaneous, & subconscious. And similar to breathing in meditation, when you focus your attention on loving them it deepens. Bringing your conscious mind to recognize what your heart already knows, that these people are worthy of love and that they will bring beauty to your life. Something in their spirit calls to you and you know that you have met a similar soul… birds of a feather flock together & all that. There is not a day that I don’t miss the wonderful men that are no longer in my life.
(The cutest kids book ever, hopefully one day I have my own curly haired bundle of joy to read it too)
These men loved me as I am, all of my quirks, my faults, & my successes. I felt safe to be myself in their presence and this translated into a self-confidence that bubbled over into my every day life. Being loved like that is special and priceless.